Who am I this year? With turning 29 in a couple of weeks (and some of my gorgeous friends turning 30 this year), it’s made me wonder if I’ve accomplished all I wanted and needed to in my 20’s.
When I was younger I thought I had my life plan sorted. Married by 25, baby by 26. Followed shortly by three more. Obviously none of that happened. What actually did happen was a string of toxic relationships, moving from house to house and coming out of University with a Fashion Design Degree but with no job. In my early 20’s I had no idea who I was, who I wanted to be or how to get there. I tried to befriend people who weren’t that good for me, panicked about every decision I made, worried when making mistakes and unable to let them go. Maybe it was a mixture of being young and financially unstable, while living in London with no family but a couple of ‘friends’. I found myself chasing approval, being eager to please others and putting others needs first when it really wasn’t reciprocated.
It wasn’t until I was 26 that I found myself a little, and decided to be more stern in my beliefs, life expectations, and how I knew I should be treated. Why? Because to be honest I was just sick of being the walk over. Everyone has an idea in their minds of how they want to be treated and be seen, and as much as you want it to come across sometimes it doesn’t, and thats because there’s something toxic hovering around. I decided to quit my job, I cut ties with people and made a rule to put myself first. This was life changing, obviously in my work and lifestyle etc, but more importantly in my mind.
So that was my 20’s life changing moment. Oh and plus I met someone who is incredible, but when I really wasn’t expecting it, and don’t they all say that; ‘He’ll come when you stop looking for him’. Now at 28, almost 29, I have the start of a career I love and work hard at, I have an amazing group of friends that I would do anything for and visa versa. Now does that mean I’ve found myself? I know who I am but does that mean that I wont keep growing and evolving now I’ve written out my likes and dislikes? Maybe we shouldn’t be putting all that pressure on ourselves in those early years in the first place. We’re asked from such a young age, what we want to be when we’re older, who our friends are, what we enjoy, favourite foods, colours, and maybe it’s time we dropped that a little? There has to be something there that in beds this panic of urging us to make decisions and therefore bringing that ‘age panic’ I hear too many people suffering from.
The life plan I made up in my teens, like many, never came to, but what I have managed has taken me by complete surprise – in a good way. People always say your 20’s are for finding yourself, and your 30’s are when you enjoy who you actually are, with that being said, and only being a year away from my 30’s, I still feel like I have a lot of growing to do. I want to be more confident, assertive, funny (that will probably never happen, I am not funny and I have no delivery). Also I want braces. Yes. Braces. I want to learn to play the piano, and I also need to learn how to drive. Ok so these things are things people normally do in their younger years, but I’m doing it now, better late than never?
This year I wont be morning the almost lost of my 20’s, instead I’m going to use it to push myself to complete some exciting goals I have. If I don’t complete them before my 30’s I’m not going to beat myself up about it though, whats the point, but just note that I have already booked two dentist appointments for next week… Lastly if I was to give advice to my early 20’s self it would go as follows:
- Don’t chase people, if they don’t want you why would you want them.
- Personality is everything, let that do the talking.
- Take risks, make mistakes, now is the time.
- You always have options if you look closely.
- Protect your heart and be a little more mysterious, no more leading with emotions.
- When you get bad vibes, run.